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Imagine the scenario below happening to you.

You were accompanying your girlfriend or wife. Suddenly, a beautiful and well-endowed lady walked by the two of you. You did something that you shouldn’t have done but were probably impossible to avoid — ogled at her chest. Depending on several factors, you may or may not have enjoyed it. You turn your gaze back at your partner and found her staring at you about to blow up after catching you ogling at her chest.

What not to do

Firstly, do not apologize. Apologizing is like a death sentence imposed against you. You have better chance mending the problem by giving a stupid excuse than apologizing. You also should not lie by saying you were not staring at the women’s chest.

What to do

Tell her that you were staring at the women’s chest. Before she slaps you hard on the face (and maybe even slam her knee into your crotch), explain to her in a serious and scientific manner.

Tell her that you were ogling at the women’s chest to live longer. Researches have found that a 10 minute ogle at women’s chest is as good as having a 30 minute exercise in the gym. If done consistently, the average man can live up to four or five years longer.

Prevention tips

Just make sure she doesn’t know that ogling at boobs makes men live longer is just to hoax. She may even point you to a well-endowed lady the next time she sees one!

Making fun of people is bad.
Making fun of people is wrong.
Making fun of people is disrespectful.
Making fun of people is funny (sometimes lah…and make sure don’t go overboard).

The photo below was taken outside a cyber cafe. What mistake(s) can you spot in it?

1. Chating service instead of chatting service.
2. There is writing on the door that says untuk ahli sahaja which means for members only. I have been into cyber cafes that give discounts to members but this is the first time I see one that says, “You have to be a member to be here!”
3. You can only check your email if you are using hotmail or yahoo mail. No Gmail or other email services allowed!

It is funny that people prepare a list like that (yellow writing on the window in the photo). Who on earth doesn’t know what you can do in a cyber cafe? Duh! If they really want to list it out, they could have been more general with it (eg. Internet, printing, games, etc). Did you manage to spot anything else?

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Added: There seems to be some misunderstanding, so I have written another post (initially, it was a comment but it was too long). Read this.

Everyone has to start doing it one day. Before that day comes, I suggest you do some research and know exactly what you are doing. You do not want to be poking too deep because that may cause the person you are poking to hurt and bleed. On the other hand, you do not want to poke too shallow because that may not get the job done.

If you are still unsure about what to do, a good suggestion would be to ask someone more experience to show you how to poke. That way, you learn faster and do not risk poking too deep or too shallow. I heard from a friend that Indian barbers (or some other profession) are good with this technique. They have the tools, skills and precision to poke to the deepest without risking injury while ensuring maximum satisfaction.

This post is aimed to make you laugh. If you didn’t even chuckle a little bit, I failed miserably. Anyway, there is a reason why I am posting this up. I will blog about that after this. That will not be a funny post.

UPDATE: Just to make sure no one misunderstands this post, the “poking” I was talking about is cleaning one’s ears. How deep should or can we go into the ears before we hurt ourselves or others.

As promised, here are some photos I took at the convocation I attended the other day. As usual, there was a large crowd of people. Some of the juniors were holding banners while calling out to their seniors.

If I didn’t tell you these photos were convocation photos and if you couldn’t read Chinese, you might even think it’s a pre-riot gathering or something. Don’t believe me? Below are photos with their “twisted” explanation at the bottom of each photo.

A large group of people holding banners.

A closer look at one of the crowds. Angry mobs from the crowd staring at a passerby (who was strangely dressed in a funny looking outfit). Just look at them. They look so angry they might just start a fight right then.

The crowd gets larger causing a traffic jam. The people look like they are shouting while holding up a banner with a dragon. You can see the fear in the uncle’s face (bottom left) as he walks away from the place.

Massive traffic jam, again with a strange person wearing a silly outfit in the photo.

Two groups of really angry looking people — orange vs. black.

Things started to heat up. One guy from the black team holding a stick wanting to beat up some guy.

They started tossing people up into the air out of frustration. Strangely, a group of people is happily taking photos at the foreground.

Damn brutal — even girls were not spared.

A few more photos and maybe a video coming up.

I have always wondered why or how a parrot can “talk”. I have never tried it before but I have always thought that (given enough training and practice) parrots can repeat whatever is taught to them. I have seen on TV where dogs “sing”, bark, howl or whatever you call it but a bird? After all, the slang birdbrain does come from the fact that birds’ brains are small

Anyway, I found the video below and was totally amazed. Firstly, I can’t believe a bird can actually be trained to make so many sounds like that. Don’t forget that the parrot needs to know when and what sounds to make as well. Secondly, so much hard labor for only a piece of snack. *sigh* Birdbrain! LOL.